Partridge

A perpetually unlucky Czech tree assassin who got his curse broken by ~true love~. UPDATE: Nevermind, he got it back. UPDATE: Wait, it got broken again!

Basics:

 * Character's Name: Jind řich  Jakub Kovářík
 * Character's Nicknames: Partridge, Pricktridge, Partshit, Treefucker
 * Sex and/or Gender: Male
 * Righty or Lefty: Righty
 * Age: 29 (mentally 15)
 * Height: 6’1’’/185cm
 * Weight: 150lbs/68kg
 * Eye Color: Right: pear green, left: light grey (thanks, BB)
 * Hair Color: Black
 * Distinguishing marks (tattoos, piercings, scars): A long scar on one wrist (thanks again, BB)
 * Describe physical traits in one passage: Broad-shouldered but thin and gangly; pale; slightly bad skin and teeth; frequently dark circles under eyes; always messy hair, calloused hands, often smells bad (barn/blood/blossoms)

FAMILY/RELIGION:

 * Parents: Both supposed alive; he last saw them 12+ years ago
 * Siblings: One younger sister (Markéta Dana); supposed alive (terrible sibling relationship)
 * Marital Status: Engaged
 * Significant Other/s: Briiiiiiiiiiiiiii <3 <3 <3
 * Children: 0
 * Other Relatives: Both pairs of grandparents and several aunts, uncles, cousins etc., all supposed alive
 * Pets: 1 peacock (shared with Bri), 1 hedgehog, 1 donkey, 2 geese, 3 horses, 7 cows, 10 chickens, a growing number of rabbits (>12 at last check)
 * Friends: Lev(?), Mari(???), Maria (perhaps more of an acquaintance?), Winston (R.I.P.)
 * Enemies: Jack, Violet, BB, Mihael, Yuri (by association), Satan, Tony (may be one-sided), eyes.gif...
 * Relationships (other): God (benefactor!!!)
 * Ethnicity: Causasian
 * Religion: Catholic (formerly lapsed, but then God happened)
 * Beliefs: Uh
 * Superstitions: Every single superstition he hears of - but then he forgets again
 * Diction, Accent, Etc.: Noticable Czech accent; makes derpy ESL mistakes

SCHOOL/WORK/HOME:

 * Education (Highest): High School
 * Degrees: -
 * Vocation/Occupation: Peach farmer and tree assassin, but also undertaker/mercenary on demand
 * Employment History: Too much to list, but in short: cross-continental daytaler, which includes roof decker, milk man, long-distance transport truck driver, harvest helper...
 * Salary: It... really depends
 * Status and Money: Public status: quasi-hobo; actual money in the bank: millons
 * Own or Rent: Own! For cheap, too!
 * Living Space (describe): A peach farm: farmhouse, barn, a small meadow, rows and rows of peach trees
 * Work Space (describe): Said farm, or wherever his victims happen to be found
 * Main Mode of Transportation: Walking or floating on the wind as pear petals

PSYCHOLOGY:

 * Fears: Bears, lawn mowers, nightmares, BB, Satan, Violet talking about sex
 * Secrets:  Had so many over the years, he forgot most of them
 * IQ: ~90?
 * Eating Habits: Always hungry; will eat until nothing is left of it (unhandsomely, too)
 * Food Preferences: ANYTHING
 * Sleeping Habits: Tosses and turns and gets tangled up in the blankets, but not when sleeping with Bri
 * Book Preferences: English (as in from England) or Czech books; mostly poems and sweet simple stories
 * Music Preferences:  Bubblegum Pop and old folk songs, but he'll give anything a try
 * Groups or Alone: Just 1-3 people are fine... or trees (no matter how many); being all alone = DNW
 * Leader or Follower:  Follower!
 * Planned Out or Spontaneous: So spontaneous (read: unorganised) it hurts
 * Journal Entries (Do they keep one?):  Effort
 * Hobbies, Recreation: Laying around (mainly in trees); sleeping; looking at/working on his bonsai
 * How Do They Relax: Often calms himself down after bad dreams by talking to trees and animals
 * What Excites Them: Trees, Bri, food, money
 * Pet Peeves: Getting underpaid, insulted or knocked around (unless it's Bri doing it)
 * Attitudes: Whiny, demanding, wimpy, angsty, childish, dense
 * Stressors: BB and Satan (even just rumours of them),Tony, those confusing people on Twitter
 * Obsessions: Trees
 * Addictions: Pipe smoking, but not all that much; arguably food
 * Ambitions: Getting MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED; staying alive; upping his karma to not go to hell
 * As Seen by Others:  Ugly unkempt mildly unhinged poorfag
 * As Seen by Self: Inconstant; on some days he feels like a happy cheerful fancy dandy, on others like a ~dangerous mysterious criminal~, on yet others like the wold's chewtoy

ASTROLOGY/PHISIOLOGY:

 * Birth Date: Between 5.-9. September (I forgot, orz)
 * Time of Birth (Morning, Afternoon, Evening): He doesn't know; his parents never told him
 * Western Astrological Sign: Fail Virgo
 * Traits Associated with Western Sign: Above all efficiency and resourcefulness (hence the fail)
 * Chinese Zodiac Sign: Pig
 * Traits Associated with Chinese Zodiac: Some good things Partridge is not, but also "incredibly naive"
 * Handwriting: Scribbly and careless; hard to read - if he does make an effort it looks like an elementary school kid's writing
 * Sexual History: More trees than he has pets right now (though not by that much) and Bri
 * General Health: Gets injured a LOT, but doesn't get sick easily and generally recovers well
 * Medical History: Broken bones, gunshot wounds, getting eaten alive by eyes.gifs, the works
 * Allergies: -
 * Chronic Illnesses: ... some mild form of hysteria?
 * Handicaps: -

OBJECTS KEPT IN:

 * Purse/bag: Wallet, handkerchiefs, a few pears or peaches, pipe and tobacco, sometimes a small book
 * Wallet: ID, money, other important stuff like insurance and bank cards, etc.
 * Fridge: Food (milk and more milk, ice cream, Mari's Mexican dishes if she brought some over...)
 * Medicine Cabinet: A first aid kit
 * Glove Compartment: -
 * Junk Drawer: -
 * Bedroom Hiding Place: National Geographics
 * Kitchen Cabinets: Snacks and candy in neat glasses, colourful Tupperware boxes and other containers
 * Closets: Clothes
 * Backpack: -
 * Locker: -
 * Desk: -
 * Clothes pockets (Jackets, pants, etc.): Used handkerchiefs, small coins, acorns and all kinds of junk

OTHER:

 * Halloween Costumes: Hanged Man (2011); undecided for 2012
 * Tricks: Do snazzy tree assassin moves count?
 * Talents:  20% chance of lying smoothly; can handle blood well; fast runner and good climber
 * Politics:  Not paying any attention to such important things
 * Flaws: Weak in body and mind, has no ambition unless it's for a godawful cause (like feeding a carnivorous tree), makes the worst decisions on his own, trusts people when he shouldn't and doesn't when he should, immature and irreresponsible even when he tries his best
 * Strengths: Cheap henchman/expendable thug, and... uh... really honest (when he isn't lying)!
 * Drugs/Alcohol:  Tobacco; occassionally sweet mixed drinks after bad dreams
 * Passwords: Tree names in Czech: buk, dub, jilm...
 * Email Address, Home Page, blogs, etc.: jjkovarik@[some old weird Czech domain name].cz
 * Prized Possessions: The bonsai from Lev and the wedding ring from God
 * Time and Place (Era, Genre, etc.): APHAnonMeme, 2012... wait, this has a genre?
 * Special Places: In his tree's crown (the eyes.gifs felled all the other ones he liked) and in Bri's arms
 * Special Memories: Too many!

Interactions:

 * Bri: The first person he approached on the meme, intending to rope her into a bet and make her a sacrifice for his tree. What followed were long months of murder attempts, love-potioning and, eventually, an engagement after the curse that bound him to his tree had been cracked enough times. UPDATE: the latest BB plot drove him to the point of seeking his colleague Orange-chan's help to gain his lost tree back, so the relationship's future is written in the stars. UPDATE: Bri found out and forgave him - what a relief!


 * #72/Jack: They first met during the murder mystery event of Halloween 2010 and immediately disliked each other. Since then they got into various fights, some of which got pretty intense/violent. To put it briefly they are like cat and dog.


 * Apprentice/Violet: She initially tried to befriend him and although he found her too clingy for comfort they had some nice moments together (mostly when cupcakes were involved) before he almost killed her in an attempt to restore his Bri-damaged curse. Ever since she has hated his guts and he does his best to avoid her and her often malfunctioning magic. UPDATE: When she tried to stop him from carrying out his part in the last BB plot he did kill her, but she was revived. Of course this did not improve their relationship.
 * Badtouch/Maria: Partridge fed her body to his tree after she had died in the murder mystery event, but once she was revived their relationship became surprisingly amiable. He likes her for being understanding and kind, she has pity for how much he is a victim of his own derpiness.
 * Uniform/???: She gave him two school uniforms. For free. He has nothing bad to say about her.
 * Mr. Client: He contracted him to assassinate Big Brother during the host event, but that... fell flat. As an alternative assignment he asked him to kill 10 eyes.gifs, a mission that ultimately resulted in Partridge being killed by the eyes.gifs' vengeful family. Partridge still kept a good opinion of Mr. Client until he badmouthed Lev in front of him. UPDATE: Mr. Client seems to be dying, but even in this state he still hired Partridge to remove his daughter's pets (now Partridge's farm animals) from the mansion.
 * Lev: Despite first meeting in less than friendly circumstances - Lev delivered the payment for Mr. Client's assignment which first got stolen by an eyes.gif, then turned out to only be a fraction of the promised sum, which drove Partridge to strangle Lev to death - they became friends after going through Big Brother's circus together. Partridge feels comfortable around him because he can relate to him, what with him having been a "cursed" assassin as well. UPDATE: The latest BB plot saw them drift apart more and more as Partridge despaired and Lev got increasingly angry at the unfair circumstances.
 * Big Brother: He used Partridge as a conveniently dense pawn to meet his aims in the circus event and left him with a handsome but ill new body, a fully furnished mansion and a head full of unanswered questions. Partridge is terrified of him, but will still whine at him for the slightest reason ("I have a stomach ache!"). UPDATE: The last plot had BB give his old body back and cast him as a henchman and eventual rider of the apocalypse, and it was an even worse experience than the circus had been. Now Partridge is even more afraid of him, especially since their souls are entangled.
 * Alazel: She reminds him of a bride. And you can't spell bride without Bri.
 * Mari: He first found her annoying and didn't trust her, mostly because she tried to give him some jobs he found stupid and/or humiliating, but warmed up to her a little. UPDATE: He recently bought her farm for around $200.
 * Magpie/Julian Bennett: What became of Partridge after the circus. The only ones who know are Big Brother, Bri and Lev. And Winston. And Mr. Client. And Mr. Client's daughter. And Badtouch. And now England, too. UPDATE: The body switch was reversed in the latest BB plot, so he has dropped this identity now.
 * Orange-chan/Celena: They initially hit off well as she helped him regain his pear tree (not knowing that he was Julian, whom she had marked), but as she uncovers just how many secrets he tries to hide she is growing more suspicious of him and he more wary of her.

Etc:
He's a dendrophiliac, which has led to many awkward situations. He was practically raised by trees.

Threads:

 * Can...
 * Can I just...
 * Link the log journal?
 * http://misterpartridge.livejournal.com/